I have these weird revelations (or they may just be random thoughts but revelations sounds cooler), where the light bulb goes on and a deep thought arises.

Yesterday was one of those days, and when reading through Matthew 3 the light bulb began to burn a little brighter.

Ever heard of Wordle? Did you ever wonder why the heck it even became a thing?

I was sitting in IN-n-Out with some friends last night, and we were all huddled around one phone, watching a guy try to figure out a five letter word for almost 10 minutes.

And it was entertaining, don’t let me fool you. I loved every minute of it. I was captivated by those five letters.

He figures it out, we laugh about it, we go home.

Then this morning I open my bible to read Matthew 3.

Matthew 3 is where John the Baptist is introduced; he is pointing people towards the better Prophet, the Messiah who is to come. He baptizes Jesus (which side note- brought me to tears because how sweet and kind is Jesus to let the man who was preparing His way to cleanse Him and open the clouds of heaven?) Any-who.

Then Jesus goes to the desert (chapter 4), is tempted for 40 days, is then served by angels after his 40 days (random detail but is the COOLEST thing to me), then He starts his journey of teaching, preaching and healing.

It says in verse 17, “From there then on Jesus began to preach, ‘Repent, because the kingdom of heaves has come near!'”

And then people started following Him around.

He started saying things that were interesting. He started sparking people’s interests. He started His life fulfilling prophesies, and He continued to do so at every turn.

So people followed.

Gosh we are so like those people.

Something, someone, sparks our attention and we are hooked. Whether it is a five letter word or it’s a new trend, a new type of look, a cutsie graphic- we see it, we want it, we go after it.

And what is crazy, is most the stuff we latch onto these days we only notice because others shared it. We only follow because others are doing the same. But the problem is, we latch on, we get hyped, we log on, we share, but then somewhere along the line we move on.

From Hydroflasks to Stanley Cups. From High-Top Converse to High-Top Nikes. From jean jackets to leather ones.

NONE of that stuff is bad, hear me out. But all of it started with a follow. We grabbed that thing off the shelf, we shared that idea, we bought that course because someone else shared it, because someone else started the trend.

Now- try to follow me here. The people in Matthew 4 and all the way through the Gospels did the same thing with Jesus.

They heard His teachings, their interests were peaked. They saw others follow along, so they went too. Others saw people following Him so they thought, why not me too?

But what made them stay? What made them stick with the Hydroflask when the Stanley Cups came along? What made them continue to lace up their Converse instead of hitching a ride on the Nike train?

Well, if you know the Gospels, you know most people who followed Jesus didn’t stick with Him. But a few did. And then those few started the Church. And wrote all the letters in the New Testament. And ultimately shared Christ with you and me because of one thing.

Truth. Freedom. Grace. Love.

Well that is more than one thing but whats so cool is that alllll those things are in One Person.

I never stuck with Wordle. I never caught on to the Nike trend but you bet your butt I wanted to (the bank account just didn’t agree with me). I tricked my mom into buying me a Hydroflask then the Stanley Cups became a hit and once again the bank won’t lend me all the money to keep up with these trends.

My point is this: we were created to follow. And in following, we were created to praise and worship and bow down to something. The people in the bible are proof of this truth, and we, all of us, to this day, fall right in line with them, too.

Jesus had people follow Him because there was something different about Him. We gravitate to new trends, new things, new people because there is something different about each of them. Each of those “things” promise us something, but ultimately they let us down and we turn to something else that promises the same things but “better.” And then the cycle continues.

But people stuck with Jesus because He promised a bunch of things and He delivered. He may not have delivered in the ways the people wanted, but He sure as heck delivered in the way they needed.

Jesus preached, He promised, and He fulfilled. He promised strength, grace, love and joy, and every day I open the Word and there it is, loud and clear, a promise fulfilled. He promised deliverance, eternity, and hope. And He did that on the cross and out of the grave.

So now it’s our choice to follow and keep following. And to keep following even when not everyone else is doing it.

It is our choice to see Jesus on the shore and hear His words and be intrigued, to be fascinated, and to believe Him in what He says.

And every day I am just trying to follow and produce the fruit of repentance because Jesus is the only thing that I will continue to choose and follow and serve- because He will never let me down.

Sorry converse.

See you soon,

Steph

Anyone else tired?

And please don’t for the life of me tell me to hop of Instagram and stop comparing myself to her or to them or to their life or her style.

Because I know that is a bigger player in this ever looming scheme of exhaustion.

But what I am really getting at is this- is anyone else tired of having to feel like the have it all together, online and real life?

Is anyone else tired of the weight of the things they can’t change, or the brick on their chest causing each breath to be a little more work?

Now if my dad were reading this he would say, “eh sissy, rub some dirt in it, you’ll be fine. only be you and don’t care about anyone else.”

Thanks Dad, but, yup, the weight is still there.

It has something to do with our generation, the millennials who were given everything, who dreamed bigger than the ones before them, who decided to feel and dig deeper because they could, because they wanted to.

Well, we got what we wanted.

We were given the world and we ran with it. We dreamed big and we never stopped moving. We dug deep and felt deeper, but what we kept finding were more dreams, more feelings, more dirt to keep digging. We kept finding, keep finding, deeper holes leading to deeper questions.

I think our parents’ generation and the generation’s before them had something good that we have had to fight to get back, something we lost in our digging for more.

They had what they had, and they were content and lived.

Now, this isn’t to say no one dreamed, no one moved on, no one searched for deeper meaning. What I mean is, they stood where their feet were.

They lived where they were planted.

Now, if it were up to me, I’d have my mom and dad diggin’ and shovelin’ out all their feelings and hurts over their years of being human because yes I do believe it would do them some good. Could help with a lot of past, present and future hurt, no doubt.

What I’m getting at though. is this: yes we’ve dug and felt and lived a whole lot on the outside, yet we didn’t know when to stop.

And now we have found ourselves digging in circles. Making mountains out of mole hills, feeling feelings that were only meant to be felt once or twice.

That is why we are tired.

We are tired because no matter how much we’ve tried, no matter how many shovels of dirt we’ve swooped over our shoulders, we still haven’t found it.

Now if you know me, you know this is the place where I drop Jesus’ name and lay on that truth hard.

But hear me out for a second.

Our parents may have dug out a few holes themselves, maybe their parents one or two, as well. But they stopped because where they were, what they were doing, how they were living, that was tiring enough.

But we searched longer, deeper, wider, and yet, we came up with being just as tired, just has confused, just as worn down.

Doesn’t that at least send a whisper that maybe just maybe the answers are not inside us?

That maybe digging deeper and traveling more and sleeping less to live in the moment are not fulfilling because well, they weren’t ever meant to refill those holes anyway?

Maybe there is a weight, there is a heaviness, there are feelings and frustrations and hurt that are just inexplainable to where no amount of digging will lead to a happy ending.

And no generation can do it right because we can never get it right.

And that is okay.

Because we do not need to. We have Someone who has made it right for us.

Can I preach the Gospel to you real quick? I’m in need of a good reminder, too.

Jesus came to fill those holes. Jesus came to help us dig a little deeper, feel a little more, dream a little bigger, because He created us to do just that- live and breathe and and dream and go.

He created us to live with Him and in Him, but the weight and the questions, the comparison and the temptations, the twisted good and the half-ass truths have pulled us away from His perfect union and living, into where we are now- the weight, the hurt, the everything.

So instead of leaving us to fend for ourselves, He came to be with us. To live with us to and to give us a perfect example of how to flee from the bad and cling to the Good.

And not only that, He gave Himself so that we wouldn’t have to. He gave His life so that we could have ours, how it was truly meant to be from the beginning.

And now, do we not only get to live in communion and community and union with Him and His people, but we get to live forever with Him, in the way it was meant to be.

You are tired because life wasn’t supposed to be like this.

You are digging and finding no answers because you are looking in the wrong places.

Now I know why Jesus was always the right answer in Sunday school.

It’s because He is the right answer in everything, always.

See you soon,

Stephanie Lynn

tears were welling up in my eyes as I pressed the “write a post” button.

It has been a long time since I have written on here.

This used to be my safe space. The place where I could throw my words, my thoughts, my worries, my dreams and they would stick.

Not that they wouldn’t stick anymore, I just moved to a new safe place, with a new way of sharing my words, my thoughts, my worries, my dreams.

To be honest, I just got off a deep dive on instagram and I was feeling crummy about how I don’t take cute pictures all the time or wear cute things all the time nor do I have a boyfriend or husband or best friend who makes cool things I could share on social media- the usual swirling all the way down into a nonsense of comparison + jealousy + honestly complete coveting of someone else’s life.

And it was in that rush, that sudden lack of joy for who I was that I randomly thought of this blog.

Some would call the thought random, I call it the Spirit, pointing me back to a time and space where I didn’t give a rats arse what people thought of me, and I just wrote my heart out. I just shared me.

I probably wanted to be famous, who doesn’t, but this blog was my lifeline in an extremely low part of my life, and it was writing, words to the page, keys clacking away, that I was able to escape and be who I truly wanted to be. With no cares, no worries, just me and a blank page and a safe place to rest my words.

So I am here again I guess, to do just that. To step back into this space because I do not want to compare or covet someone else’s life. I want to have mine.

The blessings I have received, daily, moment by moment, over the last four years since the last time I have posted on this blog have been innumerable.

Beyond measure that’s for sure.

So no more coveting, no more comparing. I’m here to be myself, the goof who journaled (online!!!) about a cute guy she met off instagram, shared the whole story from beginning to end. *Don’t go looking for those posts, embarrassed young steph probably went back and deleted a few of them but that’s not the point.

My point is this- I used this space as my little corner in cyber space to share my hurts, my hopes, my dreams, my prayers, my whatever, because I truly wanted to. I loved it. It was a home for me. It was a place I could be me, and that was that.

And I want to get back to that. The podcast will still be a thing, but I want to get back to this. Sharing my heart, what the Lord has been teaching me, what fun things He has given me, whatever it may be- I want to get back to it all.

So I guess – hello again.

And see you soon.

Steph