tears were welling up in my eyes as I pressed the “write a post” button.
It has been a long time since I have written on here.
This used to be my safe space. The place where I could throw my words, my thoughts, my worries, my dreams and they would stick.
Not that they wouldn’t stick anymore, I just moved to a new safe place, with a new way of sharing my words, my thoughts, my worries, my dreams.
To be honest, I just got off a deep dive on instagram and I was feeling crummy about how I don’t take cute pictures all the time or wear cute things all the time nor do I have a boyfriend or husband or best friend who makes cool things I could share on social media- the usual swirling all the way down into a nonsense of comparison + jealousy + honestly complete coveting of someone else’s life.
And it was in that rush, that sudden lack of joy for who I was that I randomly thought of this blog.
Some would call the thought random, I call it the Spirit, pointing me back to a time and space where I didn’t give a rats arse what people thought of me, and I just wrote my heart out. I just shared me.
I probably wanted to be famous, who doesn’t, but this blog was my lifeline in an extremely low part of my life, and it was writing, words to the page, keys clacking away, that I was able to escape and be who I truly wanted to be. With no cares, no worries, just me and a blank page and a safe place to rest my words.
So I am here again I guess, to do just that. To step back into this space because I do not want to compare or covet someone else’s life. I want to have mine.
The blessings I have received, daily, moment by moment, over the last four years since the last time I have posted on this blog have been innumerable.
Beyond measure that’s for sure.
So no more coveting, no more comparing. I’m here to be myself, the goof who journaled (online!!!) about a cute guy she met off instagram, shared the whole story from beginning to end. *Don’t go looking for those posts, embarrassed young steph probably went back and deleted a few of them but that’s not the point.
My point is this- I used this space as my little corner in cyber space to share my hurts, my hopes, my dreams, my prayers, my whatever, because I truly wanted to. I loved it. It was a home for me. It was a place I could be me, and that was that.
And I want to get back to that. The podcast will still be a thing, but I want to get back to this. Sharing my heart, what the Lord has been teaching me, what fun things He has given me, whatever it may be- I want to get back to it all.
So I guess – hello again.
And see you soon.