I learned something new these last few days. Something that I knew was happening, but didn’t. Ya feel me?
It was the kind of thing that we all are aware of. The kind of thing we hate to admit and ignore its even existence. The thing we know is so the enemy working and prying at our deepest, most vulnerable parts of us.
And this thing is: the fact that I tell myself lies every day. Every day and all the dang time people.
I write about, talk about, practically preach to my junior high girls and friends that, “you need to speak truth to yourself. You need to be your own best friend. Oh, and the mirror is your best friend too.” Yet I more than stink at taking that advice myself.
This lie that I know is a lie, that I know is a thing that eats away at my core and feeds on my insecurities is this: that I am unwanted, unloved, and will always be left out. And man am I really good at telling myself this. And what stinks is that just a few days ago I let this lie take me over.
Like tears streaming down my face, ugly cry kind of take over. Literally called up a friend, and could barely talk I was so hurt, so frustrated so, uh kind of taken over.
But as I began to process with her the hurt I was feeling I found that, yes there were parts of this hard moment that were legitimate- that it was okay that I was upset about them- but there were also many other parts that I was hurt about only because I had believed this lie of I am not wanted, not loved, not anything special, and someone just happen to say the right thing and make just the right move that knocked me right in the gut of that lie, and sent me crashing down.
Guys- we have to stop telling ourselves we aren’t worth it. We have to stop putting ourselves in the corner and making ourselves the victims. Yes, there are times when broken people are broken people and they will let you down, yes, people just straight up suck sometimes. But most the time, the rejection we feel comes from the rejection we have perceived and piled up in our minds months and years before this act of rejection happened.
I am no man, so I am not sure where that side of the spectrum sits on the topic of rejection, but I do know women. I do know that we are really good at over thinking, at over analyzing, at over judging and perceiving a situation or another person’s thoughts or feelings in way that can put us down- and we don’t even realize it.
I literally hang with my friends and can have, the entire time, a whole separate scenario going on in my head where I see myself as the one who wasn’t actually invited, but who was just added to the group message just because they felt bad for me. I sit across from the people who give up their Thursday night to have me over yet still seem to perceive the situation as them feeling bad for me and not really wanting me to be there.
Now doesnt that sound insane?
But what is even harder to grasp and sit in, is that I am not alone in this. I am not alone in this feeling of rejection and feeling less than and unwanted.
So I am here to tell you- to yell at ya and shake ya if I have to- to stop telling yourself lies. Stop feeding into the fear that satan wants you to feel because he knows that if you aren’t fearing something, then you are unstoppable.
But you have to believe it that you are unstoppable too. You have to believe that you have Someone bigger and better and stronger who loves you and who is fighting for you.
You have to believe that you are loved, wanted and never alone because of Him.
You have to first believe He is who He says He is, that He is good, making Him your confidence and your foundation before those lies start to fade away.
Because once you believe that- once you believe that He is it, that He wants you and that is all that matters, those little lies you feed yourself and that satan loves to remind you of? They start to fade away and Jesus is the only one left in your view.
Believe you are loved. Believe you are wanted. Believe He is good. Whisper it every morning if you have to.
See ya soon,
P.S: I am reading Uninvited right now. It is has HIT HOME for me these last few days, and I go into a little more detail on the podcast this week if you want to keep diving into the conversation.