I am moving in one month.
Just an hour or so away from my community of where I am now, but I’m moving away none the less.
And I am not moving because I am looking for anything better, but because I feel super lead to be out on my own. Completely.
Without anyone to lean on, anyone to use as my crutch, just me, myself, and I.
And I am scared out of my mind.
I am scared that it is a stupid decision. I’m scared out of my mind that He won’t provide. That He won’t follow me.
I am scared to take this leap, even though I know it is what I need to do. I’m scared He won’t stay. I’m scared He isn’t enough for me. I’m scared I can’t be who He created me to be.
In short, I am scared because I don’t trust Him. I don’t think I deserve anything good.
I am almost waiting for the bad to strike me any moment, and a move will probably do the trick.
But then He reminds me of when I had this same feeling a year or so ago.
I was afraid to do what He asked. I was afraid of fully surrendering my future and my plans because, what if His plans weren’t enough for me?
And He provided. And provided, and provided.
He was more than enough, giving me more than I could have ever dreamt.
Yet here I am again, 18 months later, with the same gut wrenching fear that He won’t provide.
That He won’t follow through with His promise.
His promise that I struggle every stinking day to believe.
And then I remember Him.
I remember His mercy. I remember His kindness and how it has never failed me.
And with that realization I am faced with a choice: a choice to live in fear or a choice to live in full surrender to my God and His plans.
And even though I am scared out of my mind I may fall, I still find myself whispering, have it all Jesus.
He has and always will be faithful.
So I am making the daily choice to say that my confidence is His faithfulness.
And it can be yours too.
You just have to hand it all over, fears and all, and choose to trust.
Choose to rest in His faithfulness, no matter the fears and doubts that weigh you down.
Choose to trust that He’s got it all. And I promise He will never fail you.
See ya soon,