Why are our minds so wishy washy? How can we go from resting one minute to worrying the next? How can I go from writing a morning devotion about resting where the Father has me right this minute rather than wishing it away then be tearfully asking Him to just point me in the right direction later that same night?
“A bee in a glass jar.”
That is what my mom calls me. I’m everywhere, all the time. I have always been this way, jumping from one idea to the next, but my mind has been going crazy the last 8 months, jumping from thing to thing, worrying over the smallest leap and the tiniest decision because my next step determines the rest of my life, apparently (according to myself at least). And as my mind started to race & juggle the idea of my one year contract with teaching and a 2 year program to earn my teaching credential here in California, I realized something.
All my life my jar- my life plan- has been planned for me, making my glass jar a perfect, comfortable size, just how I wanted it to be.
But ever since graduating college, it’s not that my mind is going crazy or that I am more of a worry-wart than ever before, it is just that my jar has gotten a whole lot bigger.
But as of 4 years ago, I was starting my freshman year of college, and what was my plan for the next year? Another year of college. And the next? A third year of college. And the next? Well, student teaching, graduating, and marriage. Duh-boom-life planned-drop the mic.
Yet here I am, sitting on my yoga mat that I keep laid out just in case I decide to work out again, in Menifee, California, living with a family of 5, a part-time teaching job, and a brand new mattress.
My living situation? Not meant to be permanent. I could move out in 4 weeks or 7 months, who knows. I won’t always have my best friend as a roommate. I won’t always have other people to rely on for taking out the trash or paying the water bill. That is going to end, & I don’t know my next step.
My job? May 2017. That is when my position ends. No promises that they will ask me back, no promises that teaching will be where The Lord leads. Once again, not permanent.
And then there’s the brand new mattress. A mattress with a warranty of 10 years.
So here I am, 22 years and 5 months old, I have two things for sure: a job & a mattress. And that is it.
Suddenly my jar has grown X100000. My options for where I can take my life have become endless. Suddenly I can go anywhere, be anything, do anything. And I’m not very good with options.
I’m no longer promised 3 1/2 years of living on my college campus anymore. I’m no longer promised 13 years of schooling and living with my parents.
All I am promised as of today is a house where I don’t want to overstay my welcome, a one year part-time job, and a mattress with a ten year warranty.
And you know what? That is okay.
I’m a planner, I know. I love dreaming about the future, I know. And you may be that way too. But even with our plans and our dreams, God is still going to have His way- so what are we worried about anyway?
I planned 4 years of school, a wedding and a happy, simple life. He planned 3 1/2 years of school, teaching abroad, moving across the country, and a blank slate for the rest of my future, where I can dream and hope and do whatever I feel called to do.
And you know what? His plan ain’t half that bad.
He knew what I wanted more than I did. So I am choosing to remember that today.
I am choosing to rejoice in that my jar has gotten that much bigger because now I have that much more room to fly.
See ya soon,